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10 Signs You Are The Mom Of 5 Kids

10 Signs You’re The Mom Of 5 kids:

1. Your wardrobe only has 2 sections: good enough to wear in public and never ever leaves the house. You have dressy tees and home tees. You have dressy flip flops and home flip flops. You have dressy yoga pants and home yoga pants. Never shall the two be confused.


2. Your teenage babysitter bought a new car and sent you a thank you note for helping her pay for it.


3. You haven’t had your eyebrows (or anything else) waxed in so long you are starting to fear someone might declare a bigfoot sighting when you go to The Wal*Mart.


4. You have started a homework hierarchy in your house. You pay the 12 year old $5 to explain fractions to the 8 year old. You pay the 8 year old $3 to read to the 5 year old. Otherwise your whole night is spent doing your kids homework. Ain’t nobody got time for that.


5. You use a scavenger hunt game to get your kids to help you look for your keys, your sunglasses, your shoes, your wine glass….it’s their fault you lost your mind so they should help.


6. Your last kid doesn’t even have a baby book yet. You have to look back at Facebook and your blog to figure out when their milestones happened. Bonus points if you had to check those sources while at the pediatrician’s office for a well kid check up. True story.


7. You taught the 8 year old how to use the microwave so she could feed the 5 and 2 year old’s while you attempt to shave both legs during your 5 minute shower.


8. Your youngest kid learned to count to 3 by the time she was 14 months old because of all the 3 count time-outs earned by her older siblings.


9. Your monthly grocery bill is higher than your mortgage.


10. You drive a minivan and it looks like a hoard of hobos are living inside it. When the sliding door opens you hold your breath waiting to see what is going to fall out. The van is full of sports equipment, school paper, and mystery bags that nobody wants to know the contents inside. We’re not even going to talk about the smells….you don’t want to know.


**Remember how limited technology was when we were kids? You can read about how and why I am supporting technology in my own kid’s classrooms HERE! #sponsored



You Know You’re Outnumbered as a Mom when…


I know that nobody who reads my blog on even a semi-regular basis is under any kind of illusion that I am a perfect mom. Truthfully, that wouldn’t even be an illusion. More like a delusion. Plus, I have lots of small people living in this house. I am outnumbered. I am just striving to raise semi well-adjusted, socially acceptable, mentally stable adults who will be able to legally move out of my house without an ankle bracelet beeping. So for all the outnumbered moms just trying to make it till bedtime who have ever doubted their capabilities to raise productive children, who found themselves eyeing up the liquor cabinet at 10am, who gave their children Cocoa Puffs for dinner and called it a day-well, this lil ole list is for you. 

You Know You’re Outnumbered as a Mom when:

1. The phrase “Because I Said So” is immediately followed by “Stop laughing, that wasn’t a joke”. I don’t know why that phrase was so effective when my mom used it because it sure doesn’t work for me. 

2. You eat dinner standing up at the counter because it’s the only way to keep small fingers from picking all the food off your plate like pint-sized scavengers.

3. After all else fails, you threaten to take away Halloween, Birthday’s, and Christmas. And you mean it.

4. You consider a handful of Goldfish, a Grape, and a 3 bites of a waffle to be a well balanced toddler dinner.

5. The noise level in your home at any given time of the day rivals that of a stadium full of drunk football fans and you no longer notice it. 

6. You can hold a toddler, talk on the phone, assist with homework, cook dinner, and open a juice box all at the same time. 

7. The “witching” hour is commonly referred to as the “bitching” hour in your house. Coincidentally, it also called “Happy Hour” when the wine flows freely. 

Are you outnumbered in your house?