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He Said, She Said: Math Homework

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Setting the Scene: Normally I’m the one who helps with homework in the afternoons before Matt even gets home from work. But this week has been a different story. With Tyler having a concussion we’ve had doctors appointments and meetings with the school trainer, and concussion protocol stuff. So Matt has been drafted into service to help Mase with his math homework. The following conversation took place last night when I got home after dinner with Tyler.

She Said: So did everyone eat? Shower? Do homework?

He Said: Yep.

She Said: Did you supervise homework or do I need to check it?

He Said: I helped. What the hell is an array?

She Said: Ahhhh, you helped with math. Lucky you.

He Said: I’m so confused.

She Said: I know. Did Mase explain what an array is?

He Said: He did. But I still don’t get it. 

She Said: It took me awhile. It’s ok. As long as one of us understands it.

He Said: But I’ve never not understood math before. I’m usually not the…

She Said: The what? The dumb one?

He Said: I didn’t say that.

She Said: But it’s what you meant. Well at least I know what an array is. So who’s the dumb one now? Who’s the dumb one now?

He Said: Me. It’s me. I’m the dumb one now. 

She Said: Boom. Mic drop. 

He Said: I’m getting a beer.

She Said: Alcoholism is never the answer. 

He Said: That’s just what the Baptists want you to believe. 

The End.

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He Said, She Said: Appropriate Tailgating

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Setting the Scene: This Friday is homecoming at Tyler’s school. The football parents are doing a huge BBQ tailgate fundraiser. The following conversation took place when Matt and I were discussing our tailgate plans.

He Said: So how many people do we have coming?

She Said: 27 people in total, including kids.

He Said: So we’re buying the BBQ in bulk. And you’re bringing the buns.

She Said: I always bring the buns. 

He Said: Funny. 

She Said: Yes I’m bringing the buns, and chips, and potato salad. And we’ll buy the desserts from the bake sale.

He Said: Wait. You’re bringing the brownies to sell at the bake sale. And then we have to buy them back to eat at the tailgate?

She Said: Yep.

He Said: That’s not right. 

She Said: It’s what we’re doing. Just get on board with it. 

He Said: Can’t you just make a double batch and we’ll eat half of them while we tailgate?

She Said: That’s not how it’s done. The bake sale is a huge fundraiser. Do you want to be the only parent not buying stuff from the bake sale? These fundraisers are what pay for football equipment for our team.

He Said: Well then we should sell beer and alcohol. We’d make a killing.

She Said: Not appropriate tailgate behavior.

He Said: We’re not appropriate tailgate people.

She Said: Truer words have never been spoken.

The End.

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He Said, She Said: Vegas

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Setting the Scene: Matt got invited to go to Vegas recently. The following conversation took place when he called to ask me if he could go. Seriously.

He Said: So I got invited to Vegas with John*.

She Said: Oh really.

He Said: Yeah. His wife isn’t going to go so he has an extra ticket.

She Said: And when is he leaving?

He Said: At 4.

She Said: Today? At 4:00 today?

He Said: Yeah.

She Said: It’s 2:30.

He Said: So….that’s a no?

She Said: That’s a “are you freaking kidding me, do you know how much we have to do this weekend?”

He Said: Ok. So definitely a no then.

She Said: I mean, you can go. But you might not want to come home afterwards.

He Said: Ok. I’ll tell him maybe next time. But what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, you know?

She Said: Uh-huh. Except for Herpes. That stuff is gonna follow you home.

He Said: That’s true….good point.

The End.

*Not his real name.

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He Said, She Said: Car Line

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Setting the Scene: School for Ty started last week and the other 3 kids start next week. We received an email from Maia’s new school regarding car line procedures. The following conversation took place after I read the email to Matt. 

He Said: So, they seriously sent that long of an email just about car line?

She Said: Oh yes, yes they did. 

He Said: Is it really that hard?

She Said: Oh my friend, I can tell you didn’t do car line a lot in the last few years.

He Said: But they said we have to watch a video. Do we really need to watch a video? About car line?

She Said: Apparently.

He Said: Who are these people who can’t figure out car line? You drive in, you drive around, you stay in line, you drop your kid off, you drive away. It’s not that hard.

She Said: You’d be surprised.

He Said: People really don’t understand this process?

She Said: Last year a dad drove up on the sidewalk to drop off his kid. And a lady knocked over every single orange cone. And another lady mowed down the PTA sign…although I understand that one. These people just don’t understand how it works.

He Said: I’m a little scared.

She Said: You should be. Just prepare for the zombie apocalypse and you’ll be fine. 

He Said: Dear God….

She Said: Good luck. 

The End.

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The Division Of Labor In Marriage

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The division of labor in a marriage. I think this is the very first big negotiation that happens in a new marriage. Who does what. Matt and I lived together for 6 months before we got married and that made the transition easier, I think. It’s funny to look back now at how much our division of labor has changed over the years as we got older and added kids to the family. I thought it would be fun to share the way we split labor in this house.

I cook all meals except when we grill, then Matt is in charge of the grill and I make the sides. I do all the meal planning and all the grocery shopping. 

I am in charge of remembering all birthdays, anniversaries, and important dates. I make sure all cards are bought and mailed, all gifts are purchased, all RSVP’s area sent, and all parties are planned. 

Matt is in charge of all the outside yard work. Now that Ty is older Matt has drafted him into service. They take care of everything on the outside including mowing, weeding, trimming, power washing, etc. 

Matt takes care of all the trash and the recycling. Maia gathers all the house trash and then Matt takes it to the curb and takes out all the recycling. Well, most of the time he outsources the recycling to Ty or Mase. 

I am the one who does school stuff. I do meetings, open houses, conferences, volunteering, buy supplies, replenish supplies, teacher gifts, and carpool. Matt shows up where I tell him, when I tell him for programs and performances. 

I make all doctors appointments and take kids to every doctors appointment. I know every one’s medical history by heart, can answer any question asked, and know weights/heights/medications off the top of my head. I am in charge of all medications, sick visits, and pharmacy trips. Matt is in charge of the dentist. I hate the dentist. I have serious dental trauma in my childhood so Matt is in charge of all dental appointments.

Matt does the budget, pays the bills, and makes the money. He has a detailed spreadsheet, broken down into about a thousand categories, and I don’t understand what any of it means. Plus he’s a stickler for things like due dates while I’m a bit more….flexible. Ha! 

I do all the laundry, except for Matt’s dress shirts because he has a specific way he wants them done and I don’t have the time for all that. I do all the kids laundry, the towels, the sheets, and our dark wash. I wash it, dry it, fold it, and put it away.

I am in charge of helping with homework and assisting with projects. I sit with them while they read each night. I supervise spelling words. Matt is in charge of all things related to math. I don’t do math. Especially not common core math. No thank you.

Matt gives the boys haircuts, vacuums the dog hair in the family room every night, washes all the hand wash dishes, and makes as many phone calls as I can push off onto him so I don’t have to do it. I hate talking on the phone.

I buy all the clothes and shoes. I keep track of who needs what. I weed out all the old clothes from the closets. I buy shoes when they go on sale and shop for off season clothes to put away. Matt complains about how much clothes and shoes cost. 

I am the one who takes care of sick kids, unless it’s vomit. Matt does all the vomit. I can’t handle vomit. Not even a little bit. I can handle anything else but vomit. Something about the sound and the smell. I’m actually gagging right now just thinking about it. Ick.

I think we have a pretty typical division of labor in our marriage. We each have strengths and weaknesses that seem to work well with each other. Our household runs pretty smooth and I like to think it’s because we established this division of labor early on in our marriage. Things have changed through the years, as we had kids, and life got busier. But some things will never change. I will always hate talking on the phone, I will never clean up vomit, and I will never wash Matt’s dress shirts to his standards. It is what it is.

**Don’t forget to enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift card right HERE! Just leave a comment on that post telling me how you deal with allergies so you can enjoy the Fall season! 

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