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He Said, She Said: Vegas

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Setting the Scene: Matt got invited to go to Vegas recently. The following conversation took place when he called to ask me if he could go. Seriously.

He Said: So I got invited to Vegas with John*.

She Said: Oh really.

He Said: Yeah. His wife isn’t going to go so he has an extra ticket.

She Said: And when is he leaving?

He Said: At 4.

She Said: Today? At 4:00 today?

He Said: Yeah.

She Said: It’s 2:30.

He Said: So….that’s a no?

She Said: That’s a “are you freaking kidding me, do you know how much we have to do this weekend?”

He Said: Ok. So definitely a no then.

She Said: I mean, you can go. But you might not want to come home afterwards.

He Said: Ok. I’ll tell him maybe next time. But what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, you know?

She Said: Uh-huh. Except for Herpes. That stuff is gonna follow you home.

He Said: That’s true….good point.

The End.

*Not his real name.

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He Said, She Said: Car Line

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Setting the Scene: School for Ty started last week and the other 3 kids start next week. We received an email from Maia’s new school regarding car line procedures. The following conversation took place after I read the email to Matt. 

He Said: So, they seriously sent that long of an email just about car line?

She Said: Oh yes, yes they did. 

He Said: Is it really that hard?

She Said: Oh my friend, I can tell you didn’t do car line a lot in the last few years.

He Said: But they said we have to watch a video. Do we really need to watch a video? About car line?

She Said: Apparently.

He Said: Who are these people who can’t figure out car line? You drive in, you drive around, you stay in line, you drop your kid off, you drive away. It’s not that hard.

She Said: You’d be surprised.

He Said: People really don’t understand this process?

She Said: Last year a dad drove up on the sidewalk to drop off his kid. And a lady knocked over every single orange cone. And another lady mowed down the PTA sign…although I understand that one. These people just don’t understand how it works.

He Said: I’m a little scared.

She Said: You should be. Just prepare for the zombie apocalypse and you’ll be fine. 

He Said: Dear God….

She Said: Good luck. 

The End.

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The Division Of Labor In Marriage

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The division of labor in a marriage. I think this is the very first big negotiation that happens in a new marriage. Who does what. Matt and I lived together for 6 months before we got married and that made the transition easier, I think. It’s funny to look back now at how much our division of labor has changed over the years as we got older and added kids to the family. I thought it would be fun to share the way we split labor in this house.

I cook all meals except when we grill, then Matt is in charge of the grill and I make the sides. I do all the meal planning and all the grocery shopping. 

I am in charge of remembering all birthdays, anniversaries, and important dates. I make sure all cards are bought and mailed, all gifts are purchased, all RSVP’s area sent, and all parties are planned. 

Matt is in charge of all the outside yard work. Now that Ty is older Matt has drafted him into service. They take care of everything on the outside including mowing, weeding, trimming, power washing, etc. 

Matt takes care of all the trash and the recycling. Maia gathers all the house trash and then Matt takes it to the curb and takes out all the recycling. Well, most of the time he outsources the recycling to Ty or Mase. 

I am the one who does school stuff. I do meetings, open houses, conferences, volunteering, buy supplies, replenish supplies, teacher gifts, and carpool. Matt shows up where I tell him, when I tell him for programs and performances. 

I make all doctors appointments and take kids to every doctors appointment. I know every one’s medical history by heart, can answer any question asked, and know weights/heights/medications off the top of my head. I am in charge of all medications, sick visits, and pharmacy trips. Matt is in charge of the dentist. I hate the dentist. I have serious dental trauma in my childhood so Matt is in charge of all dental appointments.

Matt does the budget, pays the bills, and makes the money. He has a detailed spreadsheet, broken down into about a thousand categories, and I don’t understand what any of it means. Plus he’s a stickler for things like due dates while I’m a bit more….flexible. Ha! 

I do all the laundry, except for Matt’s dress shirts because he has a specific way he wants them done and I don’t have the time for all that. I do all the kids laundry, the towels, the sheets, and our dark wash. I wash it, dry it, fold it, and put it away.

I am in charge of helping with homework and assisting with projects. I sit with them while they read each night. I supervise spelling words. Matt is in charge of all things related to math. I don’t do math. Especially not common core math. No thank you.

Matt gives the boys haircuts, vacuums the dog hair in the family room every night, washes all the hand wash dishes, and makes as many phone calls as I can push off onto him so I don’t have to do it. I hate talking on the phone.

I buy all the clothes and shoes. I keep track of who needs what. I weed out all the old clothes from the closets. I buy shoes when they go on sale and shop for off season clothes to put away. Matt complains about how much clothes and shoes cost. 

I am the one who takes care of sick kids, unless it’s vomit. Matt does all the vomit. I can’t handle vomit. Not even a little bit. I can handle anything else but vomit. Something about the sound and the smell. I’m actually gagging right now just thinking about it. Ick.

I think we have a pretty typical division of labor in our marriage. We each have strengths and weaknesses that seem to work well with each other. Our household runs pretty smooth and I like to think it’s because we established this division of labor early on in our marriage. Things have changed through the years, as we had kids, and life got busier. But some things will never change. I will always hate talking on the phone, I will never clean up vomit, and I will never wash Matt’s dress shirts to his standards. It is what it is.

**Don’t forget to enter for a chance to win a $100 Visa Gift card right HERE! Just leave a comment on that post telling me how you deal with allergies so you can enjoy the Fall season! 

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He Said, She Said: School Schedule

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Setting the Scene: Ty started his new charter school today which means we all started our new school schedule today. I’m tired, y’all. The following conversation took place earlier this week as I was reading the morning car line procedures to Matt.

He Said: So, wait. What time does he have to be there?

She Said: His first bell is at 7:10am.

He Said: So he has to be there at 7:10?

She Said: No. The first bell is at 7:10 so he has to be in his class by 7:10 or he’s tardy.

He Said: Ok so he needs to be there by 7:08.

She Said: Uh, probably more like 7:00 to give him time to walk to his class.

He Said: He can walk faster than that.

She Said: No he can’t. Not at that time of morning. He’s like a sluth.

He Said: What in the heck is a sluth?

She Said: Part slug, part sloth.

He Said: What is it with you and the sloth?

She Said: It’s my spirit animal.

He Said: I don’t know what to say to that.

She Said: Nobody ever does. 

The End.

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20 Years Of Marriage

Matt and I celebrated 20 years of marriage last week. I know, it’s unimaginable. We’ve been married for 20 years, last Thursday to be technical. Both of us remembered on Friday. Ha! Then we laughed at each other. I remember back in the early years how our anniversary was so important and we made it such a huge big deal. Then we learned the truth. The anniversary is no more important than every other day of the year. Yes it’s the day that we committed our lives to each other. But it’s how we live out that commitment on a daily basis that makes marriage work. Not how we celebrate one day out of the year. 

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We celebrated on Friday night with Bojangles in between football and volleyball and even managed to catch most of the Olympic opening ceremonies before we collapsed in bed at 1am so we could be up by 6:30 for more football. That’s marriage, folks. We also laughed a little about how marriage evolves over 20 years. 

1- You don’t think twice about peeing with the door open anymore. Now I’m still firm on closed doors if it’s a number 2. Nobody needs to bear witness to that. Gross. 

2- You talk in code. Seriously. We have code for everything from “these kids are one more whine away from boarding school” to “please get me away from this chatty neighbor” to “can you believe this jerk just said that”. And half the time the code is silent, non-verbal communication. I can raise an eyebrow and Matt will know exactly what I’m saying. It’s a science.

3- You forget your anniversary until one of the moms calls to remind you. This year it was his mom calling to wish us a happy 20th. We’re so busy living life that big dates sometimes slip through the cracks. And forget about cards or flowers- we both agree they are a total waste of money.

4- If the kids all happen to be out for the afternoon or evening you both can’t wait to change into comfy pajamas and take a nap. Forget sexy time, nap time is way more important!

5- The division of labor in marriage is firmly set by year 20. We both have our roles and our strengths and there is no arguing about it. I’m going to do a whole post on this next week, I think. 

So here’s to the big 2-0! Maybe we’ll remember the big 3-0. Haha! 

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