For quite some time now I have been preparing Matt for the fact that one day he would be going under the knife. That’s right friends, I’m talkin about THE BIG V. It’s only fair. After all, I birthed two of his demon spawn hell monkey’s complete with complications and stitches. I have done my time. I fulfilled my end of the marriage deal. As it stands right now, we’re undecided about whether to have another birth child. Four is fun, but five might send me right on over the edge of sanity forever. Especially since my hell monkey’s seem completely opposed to sleeping through the night before they enter Kindergarten.
So we’ve been debating back and forth for awhile now about if we’re going for number 5 or not. My opinion changes daily, depending on how many times I had to get up with my almost one year old hell monkey. Now, I should mention that I’ve gotten pregnant 3 times on birth control- the pill, the patch and the condom. I’m a genetic freak. So if there will be no more little hell monkey’s running loose, there needs to be some form of permanent birth control solution. Hence, The Big V discussion. Matt is really not on board with The Big V. He likes his parts all intact thankyouverymuch. Well, I liked my parts all intact too but that ship has long since sailed my friends. Being the reasonable sort, I made mention of The Big V and then let Matt stew on it for awhile before bringing it up again. He tried so hard to not panic. He failed. It’s something special to see a grown man in such a panic that all you see are the white’s of his eyes rolling around in his head. Mr. Ed on crack, that’s what it reminded me of. After he breathed into a paper bag for a few minutes to quell the hyperventilation, he was issued an ultimatum.
Either he chooses to have The Big V done in the doctor’s office with anesthesia and proper instruments or I will do it in the middle of the night with the gardening shears and a Tylenol. The Tylenol would be for me, I’m pretty sure all the screaming would give me a headache. The choice is totally his, I’m trusting that he’ll make the right one.
I bet $100 that one day soon he decides that it wouldn’t be so bad having 5 kids….