I lie to myself all the time. I’m a liar. I look myself in the eyes through the mirror and lie repeatedly.
1. I’ll go back to bed when the kids go to school. LIE. I have chronic insomnia and telling myself this lie is the only way I get out of bed some mornings. But I never ever go back to bed after they go to school.
2. I’ll just eat one Girl Scout cookie. LIE. Who can ever just eat one Girl Scout cookie? Nobody. Those things are addictive. I even put the thin mints in the freezer to keep myself from eating half the box. Guess what I discovered? They’re just as delicious frozen. Awesome.
3. I’ll just watch one more episode and then go to bed. LIE. I’m a binge watcher. Hi, my name is Delia and I’m a binge watcher. I start out intending to watch just 3 episodes. 16 hours later I’ve watched 30 episodes, I haven’t peed in 10 hours, and I have no idea what day it is.
4. I’ll get caught up on the laundry tomorrow. LIE. Hahahahahahahaha! I’ll never be caught up on laundry. Is that even possible? I feel like it’s a myth. That laundry basket is bottomless. At this point I can only assume there are people living here that I have not yet met just based on the sheer amount of laundry I’m doing.
5. I’ll run extra tomorrow so I can have another slice of pizza. LIE. Please. We all know better. But I’m still going to eat that slice of pizza.
6. I’ll just get what is on my list at Target. LIE. Again, this is probably a myth. A woman enters Target and only comes out with what is on her list? Sounds like a fairy tale to me.
7. I’ll go to bed early tonight. LIE. I always have the best of intentions. First it starts with “I’ll go to bed before the news” then turns into “I’ll go to bed after the news” and becomes “I’ll just read one more chapter” and before I know it the clock says 2am.
8. I’ll fit in these size 4 jeans again someday. LIE. I’m fairly sure the girl in my reflection is laughing at me for even thinking this one. Girl please. Throw those jeans in the donate pile and get real. Have a doughnut, you’ll be fine.
9. I’ll only buy 3 books this month. LIE. I try, y’all. I borrow from the library, I borrow from Kindle Unlimited, I read books I already own. But somehow it never fails that my favorite authors all release books in the same months.
10. I’ll put on real pants before I leave. LIE. I’m ashamed to tell you how many times I leave the house in yoga pants and lounge pants. They’re comfortable and I rarely intend to leave the car but then I end up strolling through CVS buying candy bars in my lounge pants. It’s shameful.
I’m such a liar. I should feel more guilty and I’m probably going to hell. But lying to myself is all that gets me through the day some times. If only the girl in the mirror would stop judging me. She’s so harsh.