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What Marriage Is


1. Silently judging each other while putting together IKEA furniture.

2. Shoving the trash down inside the can so you don’t have to be the one to take it out.

3. Sneaking your husbands old clothes out to Goodwill and then declaring he lost them.

4. Holding your wife’s purse while she tries on clothes.

5. Arguing over whose phone charger is on the counter.

6. Saying “you’re not going to wear that, are you?”

7. Hiding in the bathroom until you hear his FaceTime conversation with his mom end.

8. Going to Target for school supplies and counting it as date night.

9. Asking each other to pick where to eat for dinner and then disagreeing with every option.

10. Learning the scariest word your wife will ever use is “fine”.

11. Stealthily changing the thermostat and then lying about it.

12. Forcing your spouse to watch funny animal videos on YouTube.

13. Watching your husband try to find something that is literally right in front of his face.

14. Trying to fit more dishes in the dishwasher than your spouse.

15. And gloating when you do.

16. Glaring at your husband for folding the laundry wrong.

17. Both pretending to be asleep when one of the kids wakes up in the middle of the night and waiting to see who cracks first.

18. Sending your husband to the grocery store with a list and getting 16 phone calls or texts while he tries to find the items.

19. Wondering why you procreated with a person who cannot find the clothes hamper.

20. Pondering just how long you have to hold the pillow over his face until the snoring stops.


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  • Emily Janz

    Yep. Relate to far too many of these!