I never gave it much thought until it became a regular part of my life. Lying awake in bed with random thoughts running through my head at warp speed, negotiating with my brain to just let me get 3 hours of sleep, and then the anxiety that comes with knowing I’m not going to get any sleep. It’s a vicious cycle. And it happens at least 4 nights out of the week for me at this point. The other night it was so ridiculous that I actually wrote down the random thoughts going through my brain.
1. I wonder if I locked the door. Surely I locked the door. Did I set the alarm? Should I go check? I see the light, is it red? It’s red, right? I don’t want to get up. But what if the door isn’t locked? But even if it’s not locked, the alarm is on. Right? Was that a noise?
2. Did I sign Mason’s agenda? I don’t think I signed his agenda. Or was it Zoey’s? Did I even see Zoey’s? Did I see Mason’s? Should I go do it now? I’ll remember in the morning. But what if I don’t? If I forget they’ll get marked down and lose their sticker. I should do it now. But I don’t want to get up. I’ll remember, right? Mason doesn’t even like stickers.
3. What was that noise? Was there a noise? Is that a shadow? I think that’s a shadow. Should I wake up Matt? But what if there wasn’t a noise? I swear that’s a shadow. Am I going crazy? Don’t answer that. If you answer yourself then you’re definitely going crazy.
4. Is tomorrow Thursday? No, it’s Wednesday. Or is it Tuesday. I think it’s Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday. There’s something I have to do tomorrow. But what? Crap. It’s important. But what was it? Is tomorrow Tuesday?
5. Did I turn the air over to heat? Is it cold in here? It feels cold in here. I wonder if the kids are cold? Zoey’s just getting better, she can’t get sick again. Is it cold enough in here to make her sick? She went to bed with wet hair. That can make you sick if it’s cold, right? But how cold is too cold? Should I get up and check?
6. What am I going to make for dinner tomorrow? I want to make lasagna. But I have appointments the next morning. If the lasagna messes up my stomach I’ll be screwed. But the kids love lasagna. So does Matt. Maybe I can just eat a little bit? Yeah right porky, no lasagna left behind.
7. Wasn’t I supposed to order a book for Tyler for English class? What book was that? And when did he need it? I remember looking it up on Amazon. Did I buy it? I don’t think I bought it. Crap. I’ll do it in the morning. Will I remember? He’s probably not going to read it anyway.
8. Why is my heart beating so loud? And so fast? Am I having a heart attack? I don’t have any arm pain, my chest doesn’t hurt. But I did have stomach issues earlier. Isn’t that a sign in women? Are you supposed to feel your heart beating in your face? Should I call 911? But I didn’t shave my legs today. I’ll wait.
9. Did I remember to pay the cable bill today? It was due….crap. It was due last week. If they cut off the cable I’ll die. If they cut it off does it delete everything off the DVR? I have a whole season of Real Housewives of somewhere on there.
10. There was that noise again. I swear I heard it? Was it the floorboard creaking? Do we have a floorboard that creaks? No that was a movie. So what was that noise? There’s that shadow again. Is someone in the house? At least Matt is closest to the door. He’ll get killed first.