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Making Friends As An Adult Is Hard

 

I feel like I need to take out a personal ad in order to find friends these days. I have a bunch of acquaintances but not very many real friends anymore. It doesn’t help that I’m a true introvert or that I’ve spent so many years battling depression/anxiety. When my mood dips into a depressive episode I pull away from everyone. I don’t answer the phone, I don’t respond to texts, I just have to focus on making it through the day. So a lot of the friends I used to have either moved away somewhere in the past few years or they moved on to other friendships that weren’t so complicated. It sucks. I get it but I don’t have to like it. 

So now I’m in the position of wanting to be more social. I want to entertain more. I want to do Girls Nights. I want to have people to sit on the back deck and have a beer with on a Tuesday night. I need a person, y’all. But it’s harder now than when I was young. I made friends easily and pretty much everywhere I went. I also worked full time so I had work friends. Now I can put my “friends” into one of 2 categories.

1. Casual Acquaintances- These are mostly neighbors and people in my neighborhood or friends who have moved away that I don’t see very much anymore. 

2. Parents of my kids friends- This is the majority of my “friends” now. You’re stuck with these people every week while you wait for your kid to finish dance or gymnastics or basketball. 

That is terrible, y’all. I feel like the most unsociable person in the universe right now. And it’s my own fault for not nurturing the friendships I did have when depression punched me in the face. Right now my best friend is my sister, which is awesome but she lives 45 minutes away and works full time and has her own life. I need friends. But where do you meet friends when you’re an adult? And when you’re a stay home mom? There are a lot of moms in my neighborhood but is it really a great idea to get up close and personal with neighbors? I made that mistake once and it came back to bite me on the butt when we had a falling out. 

You know what they should have? A service for women seeking friends. Like Match.com for women who are looking for like-minded friends. Why doesn’t that exist? So what do I do to make new friends? We don’t go to church regularly anymore although that probably would be a great idea and a great place to make some friends. I joined the neighborhood book club and I’m considering joining the neighborhood social committee. Maybe I should just make up some business cards advertising for new friends and hand them out. I’m sure that won’t attract any crazies. Note the sarcasm.

Where did you meet your friends? Anyone near Charlotte that wants to come hang out with me? No crazies please, I have enough crazy for everyone. 

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  • Thanks! I agree- finding friends that are in the same season of life is probably the key for me. We are a very busy family and my family is always going to come first. I need friends with the same philosophy. The few MOPS and other groups I’ve been a part of in my area were very snooty and clique-ish. It was like high school all over again and I just don’t have the tolerance for that anymore.

    I’d love to be “vitrual” friends- sounds like we would get along great!

  • Beth

    I’m in Union County – Monroe. I feel the same – lots of aquintances, but not real friends.

    • So it’s not just me. It’s hard. It takes real effort now and I’m already exhausted!

  • Stephanie Burris Towne

    Ugh, I am the same way! I can go months without wanting to talk to anyone outside my family (occasionally, even them!) and then I want to have girl time! Plus, I suck at making friends because I hate small talk and am extremely introverted. I have a few friends but some I haven’t seen in over a year so I’m not sure what to call them now. If I lived closer we could totally hang out! Movies, books, margaritas…we would have a blast!

    • I’m thinking you should move here and live near me. The house right down the street is for sale 🙂

      • Stephanie Burris Towne

        That would be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Sara Breeggemann

    Hey Delia! I live about 15-20 mins from you in Kannapolis (west side). I work full time & have 3 active kids as well, but am always looking for someone to have wine/beer or nights out with. I also love to shop (when funds permit). I’d love to meet sometime & chat

    • Sara Breeggemann

      Feel free to email me to continue the conversation. map_whiz@yahoo.com

      • Hey Sara! I’m totally going to email you. Sorry it’s taken me awhile- the end of the school year has really kicked my butt this year. Thank you SO MUCH for reaching out. I can’t wait to chat!