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He Said, She Said: Selective Blindness

{You know all those funny and/or stupid little moments that happen in every marriage but nobody ever talks about? Well welcome to He Said, She Said: True Stories where I give you an unprecedented glimpse inside the marital dysfunction. You are welcome.}

Setting the Scene: Matt has what I like to refer to as selective blindness, which basically means he cannot find things that are not directly in front of his face. If he has to actually look for them or move something then forget it. The following conversation took place when Matt decided he wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and had to actually find the ingredients himself.


He Said: Where’s the peanut butter?


She Said: Bottom shelf.


He Said: I don’t see it.


She Said: Left side.


He Said: Still don’t see it.


She Said: Behind the spaghetti sauce.


He Said: I still don’t–oh.


She Said: Yep.


He Said: How about the–


She Said: New jelly is in the fridge.


He Said: Where?


She Said: Bottom shelf.


He Said: I don’t–


She Said: In the door.


He Said: It’s grape.


She Said: Yep.


He Said: Do we have–


She Said: Strawberry jam is in the pantry.


He Said: Where?


She Said: Right next to the peanut butter.


He Said: Are you sure?


She Said: I’m not getting up. Make your own sandwich.


He Said: Damn.


She Said: Nice try though.


The End.


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  • bo58

    Oh yeah, I can relate. Especially my son, but my husband is guilty, too. They also have something I refer to as ‘male pattern deafness’ where they cannot hear me ask them something from behind!

    • Male pattern deafness…..haha! I like that. Mine have it too. I don’t understand. Wish I could develop that talent.

  • Francie @ Escovedo Escapades

    I’m the only female in my household, and this happens pretty much every day at my house. If only the Jedi mind trick were possible. Oh or maybe the Accio spell from Harry Potter – “Accio peanut butter!” “Accio ball cleats” “Accio socks!” LOL!

  • rorybore

    “Active looking! Active Looking!!” that’s what you hear me yell from the basement when mine can’t find something. I mean honestly, god forbid you actually had to touch another item and move it out of the way. No, I think they actually believe Jedi Mind Tricks will summon the desired object. *audible eyeroll*

  • Kimberly M

    Hahah!!! This story is right from my kitchen. I often wonder how they would survive. Hell mine can’t even find the hole to pee in the toilet. Work in progress. Did you give your husband a sticker for good effort? Hahaha