I have an invention idea that someone needs to get right on please. It’s called The Decontaminator and it’s made for moms! The idea was born out of necessity in our house of illness over the past few weeks. First, it was the stomach plague. Then came the pink eye outbreak. Which was followed by the flu. I’ve started called my children The Outbreak Monkey’s. Because seriously, we’ve been sick for over a month straight now. No amount of healthy eating, vitamins, juices, hand washing, sanitizing, and cleaning has been able to kill whatever the heck these kids are bringing home with them from school every day.
So I have an idea.
I want someone to build me a decontamination chamber to fit my foyer. It was must be completely enclosed. As soon as you enter the front door you are inside the chamber. You will immediately undress and your clothing will be bagged for further decontamination. Then you will be sprayed with some kind of industrial strength germ killing probably illegal in 20 countries disinfectant. Head to toe. Kind of like a spray tanner works. The chamber does not unlock and allow you out until you are dry and disinfected. Good, right?
I even thought about some kind of early detection system too. Maybe a built in thermometer that detects the beginnings of a fever. Or something that can detect germs…that would be even better. I wonder if the CDC has any such tool in development? Huh. Then if the chamber shows any kind of germs you can be immediately quarantined to avoid the spreading of said germs. Pretty smart idea, right? Matt says the fever is making me delusional but motherhood did that long ago.
Who wants to start the development with me? I can’t take any more sickness in this house. My immune system has just given up- really, it packed up its stuff and moved on out. The kids are bringing home some kind of mutant super germs from school and I can’t fight them off anymore. Schools really should be considered the breeding grounds for the new plague. Really.