I know that nobody who reads my blog on even a semi-regular basis is under any kind of illusion that I am a perfect mom. Truthfully, that wouldn’t even be an illusion. More like a delusion. Plus, I have lots of small people living in this house. I am outnumbered. I am just striving to raise semi well-adjusted, socially acceptable, mentally stable adults who will be able to legally move out of my house without an ankle bracelet beeping. So for all the outnumbered moms just trying to make it till bedtime who have ever doubted their capabilities to raise productive children, who found themselves eyeing up the liquor cabinet at 10am, who gave their children Cocoa Puffs for dinner and called it a day-well, this lil ole list is for you.
1. The phrase “Because I Said So” is immediately followed by “Stop laughing, that wasn’t a joke”. I don’t know why that phrase was so effective when my mom used it because it sure doesn’t work for me.
2. You eat dinner standing up at the counter because it’s the only way to keep small fingers from picking all the food off your plate like pint-sized scavengers.
3. After all else fails, you threaten to take away Halloween, Birthday’s, and Christmas. And you mean it.
4. You consider a handful of Goldfish, a Grape, and a 3 bites of a waffle to be a well balanced toddler dinner.
5. The noise level in your home at any given time of the day rivals that of a stadium full of drunk football fans and you no longer notice it.
6. You can hold a toddler, talk on the phone, assist with homework, cook dinner, and open a juice box all at the same time.
7. The “witching” hour is commonly referred to as the “bitching” hour in your house. Coincidentally, it also called “Happy Hour” when the wine flows freely.
Are you outnumbered in your house?