I had a rather unfortunate run in with a doctor recently that left me shaking my head and pondering whether he learned how to use that condescending tone in medical school or if he’s just naturally a jerkface. This particular doctor is a specialist that we have to see for one of Cam’s medical issues. He is the only doctor who is familiar with Cam’s specific diagnosis and strange presentation of symptoms so we have no choice but to continue seeing him for the foreseeable future. This makes me stabby because he is, as I mentioned, a jerkface. I made a list that I really wish I could print out and hand to him to review before he comes in to examine my kid. For his own safety and all.
*I respect the fact that you did indeed go to medical school. I do value your medical opinions. Please respect the fact that you do not know my child better than I do. If we have a difference of opinion, do not act like I am a hysterical mother. I assure you, I am not.
*If you ever send a resident in to our room to dish out some bad news, you will never see my child again. And by the time I’m done with you, you will hope to all that is Holy that you never see me again either.
*Asking for a second opinion, or even a third, is not a slap in your face. This is my child. He deserves the very best advocate that I know how to be. If your ego is not strong enough to handle my requesting a second opinion please send the nurse back in, I’m sure she can help me.
*If you use that snotty condescending doctor tone to ask me how old I am, we will hit the exit door so fast that your head will be spinning. Also, my child is adopted so making snide comments about his birth history will not phase me a bit but it sure does make you look stupid for not reading his chart.
*My child has a very complex and detailed medical history in your records. I know this because I gave it to you. Please have the courtesy to at least glance over his chart before asking me basic questions. And questioning me like I’m a terrorist suspect being held in Guantanamo Bay is unnecessary. I promise I am not withholding information or being deliberately vague.
*Do not try to use guilt to talk me into a procedure that I am uncomfortable with. I am not a bad mother if I choose to try less invasive methods before resorting to something that will cause my child considerable discomfort. My child has been through more in his 9 short years than most people deal with in an entire lifetime. I will not allow you to use him as a guinea pig.
*You are not God. I know, that will come as a shock to you but you do not know everything. I will ask you questions and I will ask for statistics and percentages. That is my job. Your job is to answer those questions. If you don’t know the answers to those questions please tell me. I don’t expect you to know everything. I do expect you to find the answers instead of treating me like a nuisance.
*I will not think any less of you if you admit that you might not be the best person to treat my child. I will be forever grateful that you did not put my child through unnecessary tests and procedures and instead referred him to a specialist. Thank you.
I don’t think I’m asking too much. I just want a compassionate, competent doctor who cares about my kid and values my opinion. I’ve known my child a long time, I know things that a doctor can not possibly discern in a 30 minute appointment. I’d prefer not to have to bring the bitchy but I can if I have to. It would be so much easier if the specialists could remember what it was like to be a real person without the inflated and engorged ego getting in the way of a treatment plan that actually benefits my child. Rant over.
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