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I Used Have Alone Time

I used to have time by myself- to?plan my life and goals, to do home improvement or crafty projects….to perform ummm…self maintenance. Now that I have become a mom to 2 Tweens, 1 Drama Queen and 2 Pint Size Terrorists there is not a moment of peace to be found in this house. Somebody always wants something from me: a snack, a story, a drink, a sharp knife to run around with….it never ends. As I was clearing a path through the toys littering the family room floor the other day I had a moment to reflect on the alone time that I used to take for granted.

Things I Miss Doing By Myself

1. Going to the bathroom and Showering. You don’t realize just how much you appreciate your privacy until you’re forced to make tinkle with an audience.

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2. Having a phone conversation without interruptions. I can’t remember the last I talked to someone on the phone with our conversation being punctuated with pleas for silence and/or threats of bodily harm.

3. Eating without having to share. I’m pretty sure I used to eat my entire meal without having someone beg me for a bite. On a related note- I’m unclear as to why I cannot lose weight considering I have not eaten a full meal in 11 years. It’s a mystery.

4. Watching more than 3 minutes of a show uninterrupted. Is it so much to ask to watch at least until the first commercial without having to pause it because of the noise level or the repeated requests for snacks? Thank goodness for the DVR and the rewind/pause feature or I might have to give up watching anything on TV.

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5. Reading an entire book before I forget what the plot is about. Oh what a luxury, and one that I didn’t appreciate until it was gone. I used to read a book in 1-2 days and I enjoyed it. Now it can take me up to 3 weeks to finish one book because I have to go back and re-read parts that I missed or had to skim over thanks to the repeated interruptions.

6. Watching something other than cartoons with whiny kid characters. You hear that Caillou? I hate you. I want to watch grown up shows without anything animated and annoying. I want to watch the news without having to explain why that man is dressed like a woman and answer questions about who cut his private parts off.

7. Silence. Boy how I miss the sound of silence. I haven’t heard it in….about 11 years now. Well that’s not quite true. I have heard silence but now instead of filling me with peace, it fills me with fear. Pure, unadulterated fear because if it’s quiet it means trouble. Somebody is doing something very naughty.

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8. Knowing exactly where something is and not having to search the entire house to find an item I laid down 10 minutes before. I am a person that always puts things in a specific spot so I know where they are when I need them. The car keys- always on the counter in the basket. The diaper bag- always hanging on the third hook in the closet. The checkbook- always in the desk drawer. My children like to mess with me and move things around all willy nilly. I’ll lay my phone down on the table, walk to the other room for no more than 30 seconds, and yet my phone is gone by the time I get back.

9. Using naughty words with reckless abandon. A solicitor wakes me up at 8am? Blurt out a naughty word. I stub my toe on a chair? Screech a naughty word. Now, I have to mumble an incoherent sad substitute under my breath. Sugar just does not have the same magical powers. Sugar does not take away the pain.

10. Being able to walk to the fridge in the middle of the night without nearly killing myself on a rouge lego block. I often need to get up and tinkle in the middle of the night thanks to the damage these children did to my poor body while gestating. Sometimes I also like to get a drink of water while I’m up, which ensures that I will be up again in another 2 hours to tinkle again. I would love to make the journey from my bedroom to the kitchen without the threat of serious physical harm befalling my body. The stairs are an obstacle course and if I survive that, navigating the mine field of legos is sure to take me down.

I hear all the time to “enjoy this time, it goes by so quickly”. You know who says that? People who get to pee by themselves, that’s who.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04104209826307170921 Raine

    I hate Caillou, too.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17892924619560880572 Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman)

    Try “miscreant” for #9. It will force your kids to the dictionary.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12052593089455612032 Little Sister

    LOL – agree with all of these! People keep telling me that my kids are going to grow up so fast and I’ll miss all of this, but it is so hard to believe! Sometimes I just want to go out in the garage, in my car and just scream every swear word at the top of my lungs! I think I’d feel much better. But my daughter would probably follow me out there. (came to visit you from Mama Kat’s)
    ~Amy

  • http://jenniferworrell.wordpress.com/ jenniferworrell

    My feet have been destroyed along with my bladder! So glad I found you! Hilarious!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15778610584517345200 doseofreality

    Laughing out loud! This is SO TRUE! All of them. Love it! Came over via SITS and am so glad I did! :)
    http://www.thedoseofreality.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08696399391230455491 Anna @mommy_padawan

    I miss some of these as well, especially watching tv and being able to finish a book without forgetting what it’s actually about or having it take weeks or months! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03833322070654986918 Kat

    Brilliant post. I had forgotten about some of these it has been so long! I gave up reading after the library refused to let me renew a book as I had already renewed it 3 times! Do people actually pee alone?? Wow, lucky them! I banned lego on the grounds of foot preservation! x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16445670708629187950 Arnebya

    My mother threw away our jacks and weeble wobbles because of what she called a purposefully plotted assassination by toy attempt. I’ll never forget it. But that’s what I thought of when you mentioned being able to just make it to the damn fridge in the dark.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08287758298979040822 jessica ♥ The Fevered Pen

    I can totally relate! Only ours is “flipping sugar fairies!” it feels slightly better than just sugar ;)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17897718251146316249 Jessica

    I know that childhood is fleeting and I do my best to enjoy these moments while I have them, but I am 100% sure that I will not miss cleaning the house only to have it destroyed again five seconds after the kids get home from school. I will not miss having mysterious substances fingerprinted on the walls or finding sippy cups (and regular cups, for that matter) full of spoiled milk. But stepping on legos doesn’t bother me much. Probably because I have no time for pedicures so the calluses keep the bottoms of my feet from feeling much.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07644995672732772035 ToDoListMom aka Ashley

    BAHAHHHAA! I love this post! I only have 1 small terrorist but I still can’t manage to go to the bathroom in peace.. Alone time??! The only way I get alone time is to get up at 530am to grab 30 minutes before I have to wake the terrible twoer.
    Great post!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09045857399816360885 RoryBore

    ROFL…oh sugar, I can so relate to all this “sugar” :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06959492917608331562 Angie

    I do miss the bathroom privacy I used to have. I have also given up on phone conversations. The minute I hit the green button on my phone, my daughter starts screaming or crying. I have gone to texting most of the time.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11499662322233018616 Marie Wreath

    LOL!! Oh “sugar” that was funny!! Yes, those of us who tell you women to enjoy this fleeting time with your kids… it’s true. Our paths are notoriously Lego free and our bathrooms are private. LOL!! Love it. Thanks for the laugh! : )~ And may you enjoy a full meal in the near future! haha the lazy w (at) gmail (dot) com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06640337018941663622 Lisa

    Delilah,

    Twenty years, and you’ll wish all of this back (if only for a day).

    Doubt it? Ask any empty-nester.

    I think this time, plus the 20 years, conditions us for the longing of the chaos.

    elspeth

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05065133305599065581 Elizabeth Mudd

      Empty nest syndrome is the equivalent of Stockholm syndrome. “They” condition you. And you get used to it, “them.” Then you miss it once it is gone.

      (I do love my kids, but, AGGGHHHHH!!!!)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15699526185960109471 Anjie Orlowski

    Yes, yes and more yes. I love this. I miss all these things too. I try to remind myself that these times are fleeting though and that someday when all the kids are grown and out of the house that I will miss them and all their craziness. Maybe. ;)

    Anjie
    http://apaprikao.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03597686512878262017 Dominique Goh

    I too have give up talking on the phone. Now I only send text messages.. it’s impossible to talk with the kids yelling in the background.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00315240531222432104 Carrin

    I still use naughty words in moderation. When I say S#!t they kids know that something’s wrong ;)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04550949978651312496 Andrea SunnyDays

    “A solicitor wakes me up at 8am?”

    You get to sleep till 8am??

    I finally get to pee alone, and then we get a puppy. Apparently we are pee-buddies. Wish I’d gotten that memo beforehand.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10263137732431844507 Stacey

    I just had to renew a book I am reading. Renew! I used to fly through books inside a week easy. Now I struggle to finish one in six weeks. It’s so very sad. Phone conversations, I just don’t chit chat anymore. It’s not worth the effort. Great list!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12355421896613106268 Robbie K

    lol…those damn self righteous private pee’ers!
    I miss all of those things as well!