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I Am More. I Am Enough.

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I am more than what I see reflected back in the mirror.

I am more than the hollow eyes and slumped shoulders.

I am more than the anxiety that keeps me chained to my house and the sadness that keeps me desperate to numb the pain.

I am more than the little voice inside my head that tells me I am not good enough, that I will never be good enough.

I am more than postpartum depression and anxiety.

That’s what depression does to me, it makes me look in that mirror and focus on the 10 things I do wrong instead of the 30 things I do right. It makes me see only the negatives in myself. It makes me wonder why I am here.

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I am more than the weary, exhausted mom just trying to keep it all together and not screw up my kids too much in the process.

I am more than the mom whose house is never spotless and whose laundry is never finished.

I am more than the mom who yells when she’s frustrated and cries when she’s overwhelmed.

I am more than the mom who is juggling 20 balls in the air and frequently lets some crash to the ground.

I am more than the mom who feels the guilt of not being able to do it all.

That’s what I feel more often than I like to admit. I am afraid of failing my kids, of not being a good enough mother, of screwing them up in an irreversible and permanent way. I make light of my semi-domestication on a regular basis and intellectually I know that I cannot do it all. That doesn’t stop the little voice inside my head that tells me constantly that I am not good enough.

I am more than depression. I am more than anxiety. I am more than just a mom.

I am imperfect. I am real. I am trying.

I am Me. I am Enough.

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  • DelilahLove

    I’m sorry you’ve been struggling too. It’s a long road sometimes. I hope you have more bright days than dark ones. xo

  • Thanks for sharing. I’m not postpartum (not even close), but I’ve been struggling with depression too. Thanks for the hope.

  • This resonated with me so much. I too suffered from postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. I still struggle with anxiety. I loved this. It’s a great mantra. “I am imperfect. I am real. I am trying.”

  • From what I know from reading your blog, you are an amazing woman, fearless, strong, courageous, kind, and funny. I am sorry that you sink into depression. I do, too. And then I beat myself up for falling into depression. Which makes me depressed. So, I get it. And you know what? I hate depression. With a passion. Because it seems the best of people deal with the beast and it’s just not fair.
    On another note, this is beautifully written and I’m glad you shared it. Know you are loved. And know that it will pass….which may sound dismissive, but it’s not how I mean it. Just like happiness passes, depression passes. When you are in it, know that it won’t last forever and dare it to take you down. Say, “Well, hello there depression. I know you will pass. While you’re here, I’m just going to blog about you, everyone will hate you, and you’ll have to slither away like a snake in the night.”
    🙂
    I’m glad you are here! xo

  • Jen

    This is such an important message, and judging from the response here, you’re doing a GREAT JOB sharing it. You are GOOD ENOUGH!

  • I just watched a movie on Netflix. It is called Answer Man with Jeff Daniels and Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls). Her big struggle is being a single mom. She admits early on the movie that she is scared she is not enough.

    We can’t be superhuman, but we can be honest and do our best.

    That is all anyone can ask of us.

  • A wise therapist once pointed out to me that whenever something bad happened, I blamed myself, but that when anything good happened, I attributed it to luck. “Why is that,” she asked. “How can you be responsible for the bad but not the good?”
    I’d never thought about that before. But thinking about that question helped me start to climb out of a very dark place. I hope you can hear all the affirming voices in response to this post – and if you can’t hear the voices now, keep reading them until you can.

  • Pretty is as pretty does. Beautiful inside and out. Powerful words for every woman!! Erin

  • Yes, yes you are. Much love to you. xo

  • Beautifully honest and with your words you have demonstrated your strength.

  • I think your daughter is growing up to be just like her mama. Strong and amazing!

  • All you can do is be your best. Believe me, I know how hard it can be. Thank you for being so open about such a tough subject.

  • I love this post! We are so much more than many things we list. You are amazing!

  • I’ve found that the *best* thing about juggling too many balls is that when they all come crashing down, it’s a great opportunity to pick up ONLY the ones that matter. It’s great to re-evaluate, and I feel like really, they all matter, but when they all drop, you’ll find one you can let go of – maybe two! 🙂 Loved your post!

  • Oh my heavens! I am so happy that through the “pour your heart out” linky, that I found you. I too am suffering so greatly with PPA… they say I have a little PPD, but I have not saw anyone else blog about it. I can’t wait to read more.. you have earned an extra follower here. Thank you so much!

  • “I am imperfect. I am real. I am trying.” I was to post that on my bathroom mirror so i see it every morning. i can relate to everything you said here. My husband found me crying on the floor of the nursery last week while I was playing with the baby, and it’s just so hard to articulate the answer to “Why are you crying,” because it’s everything and it’s nothing, and it doesn’t matter if it’s irrational – I’m not crazy, I KNOW I do more things right than I do wrong, but it’s a different thing entirely to FEEL it.

  • This really speaks to me. I love when you wrote “That’s what depression does to me, it makes me look in that mirror and focus on the 10 things I do wrong instead of the 30 things I do right. “

    Why is it so much easier to focus on the negatives?

  • Love the strength in this post! You are more. xo

  • Di

    Yes you are. I also yell when I’m frustrated and cry when I’m overwhelmed. Good days and bad. One at a time!

  • You sure are! I am so glad you have wonderful truths to remind yourself of!

  • Kim

    What a wonderful and affirming post! And you are more than those things. We all are. It is, like you said, hard to remember the good when you are mired in depression and anxiety. When you feel that way, open this post and read it to yourself. It’s wonderful!

  • I feel like taping this to my own mirror to remind myself of all these things…great job with this.

  • What an awesome post. I need to favorite this and remember to read it when I feel ucky. thanks for this

  • I think we are thought buddies this week. So nice to hear these words – and to know they are true. Great post!

  • yes, yes, yes. i think the word “powerful” is such a good one for this. because i can identify with all of this and to read this post makes me feel stronger and more in control, and, whatever it means, more “normal.” this really struck me. thank you!

  • Yes! We are enough!!! This is exactly the kind of message all of us moms need to hear.

  • If only you could just turn it off. That nasty voice speaking so many lies. A gritty and so much more than enough post.
    dana

  • You are enough. You are amazing. And you are something to me! You make me laugh with your funny tweets. Sending you lots and lots of strength and energy.

  • “I am real. I am trying.” That is perfect. That’s what we all are and all we can be expected to be. This is a great post!!

  • absolutely you are. Wishing you a lot of strength.

  • Beautifully done!

  • And you are powerful and wise. Thank you for this battle cry. I love the images too. I bet I could stencil “I am good enough,” on my bathroom mirror and my girls’ bathroom mirror. Head them off at the pass before the doubts ever enter their heads. ELlen

  • I love this post. Each and every word resonated with me . . . words that describe me.

    You are so much more than the sum of all your parts! You are amazing.
    Jenn

  • Yes, you are more than those things, and you are enough. I love your courage in this post. We all feel those things at times, and this is an excellent reminder.

  • heck yeah you ARE enough!

  • Here, here! You are absolutely enough! This is a great anthem…something I’d love to shout myself from the rooftops!

  • Yes, you are more. We all are more than the sum of our thoughts about ourselves. So thankful for a God who has infinite love for us, where we end. And thank you for your honesty. It is refreshing and encouraging because there isn’t a person who hasn’t felt this way, including myself . . .just yesterday.

  • Yes, yes you are! xoxo

  • Keep switching those neuro-pathways!

    PS, I’ve spoken about this for years! Here’s one of the videos – http://angelashelton.com/tedx

    Ramp up the positive comments a notch to bigger things, that are much further way from the negative side. Like make I am nothing become I am a queen for example.

  • Great mantra – make sure you repeat it often enough. x

  • Wonderfully written…All you can do it keep trying to make it thru the minutes, the days, the hours….keep swimming!

  • When depressed, those labels feel 10 times heavier. Good for you for being able to see through the lies depression tells.

  • Gia

    Good message! You ARE more than all those things! And adorable picture..

  • Love your words and the beautiful photo of you and your babies at the end. You’re more than enough to them; you’re everything. I’m about ten years past where you are, so please believe me when I say it gets easier and easier.

  • yes. you are enough. and more. more then the sum of imperfect parts. fully wonderful. try to remember this. with your beautiful words, i’ll try to do the same. thank you.

  • I needed this post today. I had a mini meltdown this afternoon about how I haven’t been able to get things in our house running smoothly in the two years since we’ve lived here, despite having a really good routine at our last house. I need to remember that my kids and my husband love me as I am, not how I think I need to be.

  • Yes. You are absolutely more than enough. I can relate to this though. It’s hard to sort out what we know intellectually from what we feel, and it’s hard not to get overwhelmed, and sometimes the fact that you’re enough just the way you are is almost impossible to remember. Thanks for being so candid — so honest — in this post.

  • and you are just what your kiddos need! : )

  • This is so raw and honest, and I’m so glad you felt comfortable and strong enough to link it up with Just Be Enough. You are definitely more than all of those things; you are enough for your family and for yourself

  • Yes you are. Enough. I often tell myself there is more to me than what is happening right now. My identity isn’t just mom or wife. While they are important parts of me I’m also happy movie-goer, reader, a person that relishes quiet, silly…

    I absolutely love this post.

  • Love it. Many men struggle with the same issues.

  • Beautifully written. Both insightful and thought-provoking. Women…we are our own worst critics, aren’t we?

  • Kim

    Keep a list visible of those things you do well. Mirrors work great because eventually it will reflect back on to you permentantly!

    Visiting from Out of Alabaster blog hop!
    Kim@reposhture.blogspot.com

  • You will get through this. Thank you for writing it. I am slipping into PPD Round 2, and this essay makes me feel less alone.

  • I’m not a mum but I recognise your words and your battles with Depression so clearly, whatever it tells us we are always more than that. Now to believe it! 😉

  • Love this.

  • I’m right there with you, focusing on the small number of negatives amidst a sea of positives. ((Hugs))

  • This is a beautiful post for any mother to read!

  • Thank you for this!!! I had some terrible hormonal outages this weekend. This is perfectly written! <3 Will be sharing a link to your page!

  • Wonderfully written. I was reading this and thinking the same things about me.

  • Kind of made me cry. I love your graphics–esp. the photo of you and the kids. So this means I am more than a mom who loses it this morning after pulling out of the cardiologist’s office this morning when he “suggests” I lose my baby weight? Somehow, I don’t think going off the Zoloft 3 weeks ago is going that “well”…feeling you and loving this post…

  • love the honesty of your blog post! you are not alone, and we have all been there! <3

  • I found myself nodding in agreement as I read your post. I also have PPD and PPA, and sometimes it’s just so difficult to see the positives about yourself and all too easy to see the negatives. Keep your head up, mama, you’re doing great! 🙂