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REUNIONS ARE THE DEVIL

I remember the day I got the invitation for my 10 year High School reunion. My first thought?

‘It’s been 10 years already?’ which was followed immediately by ‘Oh Hell No’. I was less than a year past giving birth and definitely not at fighting weight, if you know what I mean. There was not enough Vodka on the East Coast to liquor me up enough to make my high school reunion sound appealing. For some reason the reminders of my high school career tend to illuminate my top pet peeves: Bragging, Hatefulness, Snobbery, Lying and People. Now this was many years ago, I respectfully decline to elaborate on just how many year ago but we are rapidly approaching yet another reunion. Another reunion that I will not be attending.

Top 5 Reasons Not to Attend My High School Reunion

1. Facebook.  Thanks to Facebook I have no need to travel several hours to find out if Suzy Q* overcame her anorexia or Betty B* did in fact marry a plastic surgeon for the “fringe benefits”. I can log on in the convenience of my own home and find out the answers to all my burning questions.

2. Mean Girls. I had the misfortune of attending a school that was fed by the rich neighborhoods. Meaning I went to high school with an overabundance of doctor’s and lawyer’s offspring. Believe me, the divison of socio-economic status begins early in life. I have no desire to discover if the Mean Girls of the High School halls have indeed become Mean Girls of the Country Club. I’ll pass.

3. High School sucked. It was pretty much one long stretch of insecurity, bad hair and unfortunate clothing choices. I can think of no good reason to relive the experience.

4. Security Concerns. There were some slightly over the top pranks that occurred during my high school tenure that I may or may not have had a hand in and my name may or may not be on some kind of Most Wanted list. Said pranks may have involved the principal’s car, the principal’s office, some Saran Wrap, a horse, a wheelbarrow and large quantities of alcohol. Boone’s Farm, if I recall correctly. Let’s just leave it at that.

5. Social Awkwardness. It’s well documented that I have an aversion to people. Mostly stupid people but sometimes just people in general. I like my friends to be online where I can silently judge them instead of being forced into the awkward position of holding my tongue. It never ends well, there are usually tears and theatrics. I don’t have patience for either. It’s probably safer for everyone if I just stay home.

Now I am also going to have to make a decision about my college reunion in the near future too. In contrast to my strong feelings of opposition about it’s high school counterpart, I will more than likely attend my college reunion. Let me share why.

Top 5 Reason To Attend My College Reunion

1. There is video. We had a friend in college who had a video camera constantly attached to his hand. All the time. He had aspirations of being a film maker one day. I have no idea what happened to any of that video footage that he took and I would like to find out. Some of it has the potential to ruin any future chances I have of running for political office.

2. My Advanced Calculus Professor. I desperately want to find this man and inform him that he was wrong. I have never once used Advanced Calculus in real life. Of course, that might also be because I never actually managed to learn the material. The only reason I skated past the final with a solid C- is because the TA liked to drink and party, mostly with underage girls. Blackmail is a much more useful life skill than Advanced Calculus.

3. Potential for Humiliating My Kids. Prior to the adults only party there is always a family day where you get to walk around the campus and show your kids where you used to be cool. This tradition has the potential to complete humiliate the kids, especially considering college is where Matt and I met and fell in love. We could really make them squirm.

4. Life long Friendships. These were my people. I left college with something far more important that a degree. I left college with a group of friends that taught me what it meant to be a friend, and what it meant to be true to myself. They also taught me how to do a keg stand and exactly what those little blue pills were for but that’s neither here nor there.

5. Answers to those burning questions. Unlike my high school class, there are many people I went to college with who are not on Facebook. It would be nice to know what happened to them. Did Bernie’s* hair and eyebrows ever grow back? Did Mary* ever find where she left her car after that party? Did Jack* ever get his junk un-superglued after his girlfriend caught him in bed with that cheerleader? These are questions that I feel the need to know the answers to. For obvious reasons.

How about you? Do you look forward to your high school or college reunions? Or do they just serve to remind you that time is marching across your face? Bonus points if you can name the movie that reference came from.

*Names changed to protect the idiots.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14348502561028334655 LaurenAlexis

    Movie is Steel Magnolias :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13846708503551936348 Angie @ Many Little Blessings

    I loved high school. I mean, I really, really loved high school. (It wasn’t perfect all the time, but overall — I had a good time.) But, then when my 10 year reunion rolled around (at a bar), I just skipped it. For whatever reason, I had zero desire to go. Maybe by the time the 20th rolls around. (I keep thinking it would be years and years in the future, but apparently just three. LOL)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00703427754957438259 Lena @ Mom2MemphisAndRuby

    You make some very good arguments! ha!
    Great list, thanks so much for linking up!!

  • http://shambolicliving.wordpress.com/ shambolicliving

    Very funny post.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06356348963201254064 Laura Hernandez

    I’ve yet to go to one reunion. I don’t think I could do it! LOL Thanks for sharing. ^_^
    http://our-reflection.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05393058480537423115 Nicole @MTDLBlog

    Number 4 &5 of the High School reunion CRACKED me up and you should totally read my friend Jennifer from Mommy on the Edge (www.mommyontheedge.com) – she’s very similar in humor to you. She’s new to blogging – but you remind me of her. The boone’s farm….HA! I love how you put your own spin on each week’s Listable Life…are you tired of me saying that yet? :-)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13181569922751252054 Brett Minor

    I made it to my 5 year reunion. I didn’t make it to the 15 year and didn’t care until everyone’s pictures started hitting Facebook. I really wish I had made it. I WILL NOT miss the next one.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11625977577413531221 AudreyN

    Ha ha ha ha Your list is awesome!!! Seriously laughing so hard!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11588288813345539442 Pat’s Pink Apron

    Hi! I’m going to follow on Linky would you follow back. Pat

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08696399391230455491 Anna @mommy_padawan

    I love this post! College is so different from high school – thank God! Your 1,2 and 3 reasons for not going to the high school reunion was totally my life as well. Really, with Facebook who needs a reunion? You can talk to who you like and spy on but never have to directly deal with everyone else – LOL! Probably terrible for me to say but oh well. I love your post, great list :)

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      Exactly! It’s the best of both worlds. I’m not anti-social. I just have a low tolerance….for people. Ha!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16924234076014698717 6 Worleys

    um as a graduate, with you (hehe), i will tell you that our reunion was not much different than highschool!! uh ya didn’t miss much honey!! and yes, unfortunately i went..

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      Aaaaaannnnd, that’s exactly why I didn’t go! Snort… See, I can keep up with you guys that I actually LIKED in high school on facebook. No need to get my panties all in a bunch with the rest of them! I probably would have gotten drunk and table danced….nobody needs to see that.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03539112316511997501 KimP

    Ahhh Boone’s Farm…Strawberry Hill

    ~KinPugliano the G is silent

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      Hey “Kin” have you been hitting the Boone’s Farm tonite already? Ha!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08491681502102208047 robyn

    I love this post so much, I don’t even know where to begin. My 5 year was held at a bar, followed by bar hopping, so you can pretty much guess how that went. I was pregnant at the 10-year. Worst. Night. Ever. No booze to make talking to these bozos tolerable? No thankyouverymuch. The best part was finally being old enough to not care what anyone thought, so my giant belly and I unapologetically rocked a black stretchy dress, cankles and all. Still not worth the price of dinner, though. That is and forever shall be the end of my reunion attendance experience.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      Um, I couldn’t make it through high school sober so I’m reasonably confident that I would not survive the reunion sober either. Not a damn thing wrong with rockin’ those cankles!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10265778968333666335 insomnia

    This year is 20 years and I don’t care about the high school reunion. I didn’t like 99.9% of those people then and I don’t care about where they are now. I have 3 friends left over from highschool. On facebook. And that’s where I will keep them.
    College. Does community college have reunions? If they do I never heard of one.
    That’s it in a nutshell. Thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18076696497945939880 Jackie

    I would love a college reunion! I had some great times there, and so many people whose faces I truly miss!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06480497624124937739 Nona

    The kids I went to school with were evil to me. I’d rather avoid facing them as adults.

    Now, if there were an online reunion, say we all meet up in a chat room somewhere (do chat rooms even still exist?) I might be okay with that. I’d probably block a lot of them but still…..

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17836396076018306616 Stasha

    Love your wit D! Funny we are all up for Elementary and Collage reunions but no one is gearing up for the high school one! I want to corner my math teacher too, for taking so much of my precious time with calculations that had no numbers in to begin with :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18010888083503743747 Your Doctor’s Wife

    I loved my 20 year HS reunion! Everyone had matured and mingled with everyone. No more clicks! We didn’t have a 15, so lots of time had passed and almost everyone showed up. It was fantastic to see everyone and catch up. Even Doc H had fun and he didn’t know a soul! In fact, I was ready to go before he was! Go figure!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15187273560129198423 bill lisleman

    Nadine comment is correct – more years past = the better the reunion. Never went to one until my 20th. Eventually you need to go just to see who is still breathing.
    Never thought about my college reunion but since college attendance had been increasing (not sure if it still is?) maybe college reunions will become more popular than high school in the future.
    Prison reunions can be exciting (I’ve heard).

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      “Eventually you need to go just to see who is still breathing”. Hahahahahahaha! That’s hysterical.

      I’d go to a prison reunion. Fo ‘sho! I haven’t been to prison (yet) but I’m thinking that would be a kick ass reunion.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11404173117636422418 Nadine

    Here is my HS Reunion Experience:

    5 Year: Two cheerleaders who hated each other in HS got into a full on fist fight – complete w/hair pulling – in the middle of the dance floor. Many people showed up without their spouses and people were sleeping around all over the place. ICK!

    10 Year: Still very “clicky” and the girls were still pretty bitchy. Again, lots of sleeping around.

    15 Year: Can’t remember if we had one or if I just didn’t go… *shrug*

    20 Year: Very small turn out. Did speak with people that I didn’t really know in HS but didn’t stay for whole thing.

    30 Year: My 30 year was this last September. Drove 5 hours to hotel where we had the reunion and stayed the night as we moved from CA to NV. Nice size turn-out. People weren’t nearly as “clicky” and were more friendly. Hooked up with some girls that I only knew briefly in HS but now have things in common. However, one of the “after parties” got out of hand when 2 guys – who weren’t friends in HS – got into a drunken brawl. One guy was arrested and the other wound up in the hospital. Made for interesting breakfast conversation. LOL The guy who had been arrested was released and charges were dropped after officers spoke w/witnesses.

    So there you have it! My experices from 5 years to 30 years. :D

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      I don’t know, 2 of the cheerleaders getting into a fist fight might be worth me going. I’d have to consider that….

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01973478718499363534 Paul Craig

    Laughing too hard to type. you’re the best.

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04968250671087385396 Delilah Love

      The best or the least politically correct…either one works for me. Ha!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06959492917608331562 Angie

    I went to my 5 and 10 year high school reunions. If I can swing it, I will go to my 15 year high school reunion. I went to a pretty small school, and the normal cliques didn’t exist there.

    I don’t think my college has a reunion. If they do, I have never been invited. I graduated from college in 2002, so I would be due for a 10 year college reunion.