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The heat fixer dude finally got the heat running around 5:30pm yesterday. I was so excited. Until he explained the problem. Apparently the teeny tiny vent opening got frozen shut and therefore, the fan could not work. Now, when I say teeny tiny- I mean teeny tiny. It is literally the size of a pin head. I needed granny bifocals just to locate this teeny tiny speck that caused us so much inconvenience. Then the dude laughed as he explained how he fixed the problem. Are you ready for this?? Really? He poured hot water over the vent to defrost the opening.


Are you kidding me? Then he handed me a bill and I laughed. Out Loud. $335. To pour hot water on a vent opening. He even used MY hot water. For Real. I cannot discuss the outcome of this little debacle due to probable legal proceedings. Sufficed to say, I did not pay $335 for him to pour hot water on a vent opening. After the initial shock wore off, words were exchanged and it was not pretty.

I went about my business of feeding, watering, and walking the children. Errr, I mean dinnertime, bathtime and bedtime. Everything was running smoothly until Matt and I got ready to go to bed. No heat. Again. There were lots of naughty words said. Good thing the kids were asleep or we’d be getting phone calls from a teacher today talking about Cam’s new vocabulary words. Just because he has a speech delay doesn’t mean he can’t manage to pronounce the dirty words with alarming clarity. I consider that one of God’s little jokes. Matt and I were already in our pajamas. We threw on big coats, some snow boots and caps. We searched for a flashlight, which was nowhere to be found. Matt gave up and grabbed the next best thing. Tyler’s Star Wars lightsaber. We both took cups of hot water out to the Godforsaken monstrosity of a heating unit. More naughty words were said and there might or might not have been a few kicks aimed at the heater. I can neither confirm or deny that at this time. We hadn’t been outside more than 5 minutes when we heard:

‘Freeze. Hands in the air. Turn around slowly.’

We froze and stared at each other in horror. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. We turned around.

‘Hands in the air. Drop the weapon.’

Matt stared at the cop blankly while I convulsed in laughter and wheezed out ‘He means the lightsaber. Drop the TOY lightsaber.’

I know, I know. Not the most opportune time to have a laugh attack but really? I got frisked. I kind of liked it. Matt…not so much. The cop was really nice and seriously amused when he heard the story. He came inside with us so we could show him our ID’s and we gave him a big cup of coffee to go. I’m sure we’re the talk of the cop shop today. It’s not every day that they get to stop a homeowner from robbing their own home with a toy lightsaber. Turns out, our neighbor saw the green glow from the lightsaber and heard the freaky noises that it makes and called the cops. She thought someone was breaking in to our house and panicked. I took her over a basket of muffins this morning to say thank you. She was really embarrassed about what happened but her husband laughed his butt off. I hope nobody does ever break into our house because she will never call the cops again. Ever. A thief could walk right out with our flat screen TV and she’d be in the window, just a watchin’.

And the heater? Turned off again at 3am and again at 6am. This time, there were definitely some kicks involved. The heater fixer dude is coming out to fix it this morning. Not the same dude though….I think he’s already filed for a restraining order.



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