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OH BETTY, YOU’RE KILLING US!

Really. Betty Beauty Color for the hair down there? Have we really reached the point where coloring and decorating the hedge is considered a good idea? Really?

I saw this in Redbook’s February issue. Actually, I didn’t see it. I skipped right over it until Matt made me skip back a few pages. He pointed it out with a smirk on his face, a twinkle in his eye and mischief in his…. heart. I read the description of this product with a mixture of disbelief and humor. Then, intrigued by this new trend in bush maintenance, I had to check out the website. Here is what Betty has to say:

Hot pink means play. Adventure down below! Celebrate! The first safe color for the hair down there. FUN betty is a hot pink party in a box! FUN betty color for the hair down there. Go girl, it’s your birthday! Or your anniversary or your wedding or his birthday! It’s the perfect gift! Follow the easy directions for safe color. Natural looking. No mess. No drip. Use it every time you candy! FUN is where you find it! Color kits include everything you’ll need to lighten and color…get your betty ready!

Matt was all for it. He thought it was a great new invention. Of course he did. It’s not his nether regions that would be exposed to chemical burns. I needed to investigate this a little further. I found that it comes in several different colors: Brown Betty, Blonde Betty, Auburn Betty, Black Betty, Fun Betty, Malibu Betty, Sexy Betty and the brand new Lilac Betty. Hmmmm, variety is the spice of life. They also sell Charmcils! In case you, like myself, are new to the world of pubic hair decoration, here is what Betty has to say about the Charmcils:

Unique charm-like stencils that will transform the hair down there into a variety of fun, sexy shapes! Hygienically-safe and easy to use at home with any hair removal cream/wax and for professional waxers to use too! Each charmcil pack includes one of each shape: lightning bolt, flower, star, bow tie, heart, peace sign, money sign & lips! These special stencil shapes are great to use with any of the betty colors!

Hmmmmmm? Charmcils– special stencil shapes to charm your Betty. What is the world coming to? The Charmcil are being advertised as “the new Brazilian for your Betty‘. Well, considering I wasn’t that happy with the ‘old’ Brazilian, that slogan is not making the sale. Although, I would really like that money sign on the ole Betty. Kind of lets a man know that he has to ‘pay to play‘. That’s not a bad idea. I do accept credit cards.

Matt really talked up this new product, determined to get me to try it even though that means I would have to actually grow the hedge back. I know, TMI but there was an incident while trimming the hedges that led to the removal of the entire hedge and then I decided to just go with it. So I’m hedgeless now and I’m not going back. I lobbed a volley back into his court and told him that I’d  first grow and then dye my hedge blue if he’d dye his pink. Point to Delia. I aced the serve when I told him that I thought the bow tie Charmcil would give his hedge the finishing touch.

Game. Set. Match.

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