There are just some days that start out rough and keep on rolling downhill until your head hits the pillow that night. Those are the days when if you don’t laugh at your misfortune you will cry. Probably in a dark closet chugging wine straight from the bottle while shoving large quantities of chocolate into your mouth.
You might be having a rough day if….
1. Your doorbell starts ringing at 8:30am courtesy of the Jehovah Witness who can’t take no for an answer and seems to have made it her mission to drive you to commit homicide on your own front doorstep. I can tell you how to solve this. Cover your doorstep with plastic sheeting, use some red fingerpaint to add bloody handprints and smears, and top it all off with a dirt covered shovel propped up beside the door. You might get some strange looks from the neighbors but it’ll be worth it to sleep in without the doorbell ringing.
2. You sit down to watch the latest episode of your favorite show that you had to DVR because your husband refuses to watch it and you discover that instead of your favorite show, your DVR recorded 2 hours of some backwoods hillbilly survivalist crap.
3. Your 3 year old daughter found your husbands hair trimming scissors that he neglected to put away and decided that her hair was in need of a trim resulting in some sort of punker style on one side of her head.
4. Your teenager has a pile of friends over to play Xbox and one of them clogs up the toilet without telling anyone. You don’t find out until later when your 6 year old goes potty and comes screaming out of the bathroom yelling that the poop is swimming out of the potty.
5. You receive a notice from the library that you owe $26.50 in overdue charges because while you intended to return all those library books on time you got distracted by the sale at Kohl’s and totally forgot until 4 days later when you saw the bag of books in the backseat of the car.
6. You spend 45 minutes packing a bag for the pool, getting the kids dressed in swim suits, slathering sunscreen on everyone, packing the cooler, and then walking to the pool only to have it start thundering approximately 48 seconds after the kids jump in.
7. You head to the store to buy toilet paper. You spend an hour in the store and 20 minutes in line to checkout only to get to the car and realize you did not buy toilet paper. You did, however, purchase 3 pairs of shoes, a new hair dryer, a toaster, a 3 pack of water blasters, and the biggest bag of animal crackers in existence.
8. You go back in the store to buy the toilet paper, wait in line again, and then realize you left your purse in the car when you unloaded the first round of purchases.
9. You come home to find that your husband has so helpfully thrown all the clothes from the washer into the dryer…including all the items that are hang dry only. You tearfully hand your new linen tank sweater to your 9 year old daughter because it’s now her size, and you ponder how to stretch your jeans back out to fit over your hips since they seem to shrink 2 sizes in the dryer.
10. You finally sit down at the end of the day to have a drink and then remember…you never stopped by the ABC store. At this point it is totally acceptable to just burst into tears and bury yourself in the bed in the hopes tomorrow will be a better day.