I’ve been a stay at home mom for over 13 years now. I quit my good paying job to stay home when Ty was 2 and Cam was a baby. It was a hard transition for me. The previous 2 years of our lives had consisted of waking up early, shuffling kids off to daycare, working 10 hours a day, rushing to pick up kids, make dinner, give baths, tuck in bed, and collapse on the couch where Matt and I promptly fell asleep. After 2 years of a rushed existence we made the decision that the loss of my income was barely noticeable once we removed the costs of 2 kids in daycare and all the expenses related to me holding a full time job. So I quit. And it was weird. And hard. And I didn’t like it at first. I felt very unproductive and ill-equipped to stay home full time even though it’s exactly what I grew up wanting to do as an adult.
Fast forward 8 years and I had 3 kids in school, and a toddler and newborn at home. I was in the groove of stay home motherhood. I could multi-task with the best of them and I was content at home. True, our house was never spotless and yoga pants had become my fashion staple. But I was happy at home. Now fast forward another 5 years. I just signed my last baby up to start Kindergarten in August. What am I going to do every day for 8 hours while my house is empty? I should be excited, right? Aren’t most moms who’ve had a house full of kids for well over a decade excited at the prospect of having an empty house for 40 hours a week?
So why am I not excited?
I have pondered that question for a couple of months now. And I figured it out. For me, I loved the baby stage. It was awesome and I adored it. But it was HARD, y’all. Raising babies is HARD. Then the toddler years happened. And that was HARD. Then the preschool years with opinionated little kids and that was also HARD. But now- I have school aged kids. And they are FUN! I enjoy my kids. I like being around them. I like talking to them about stuff and taking them on little adventures. I miss them when they are at school. So the prospect of being alone all day without these little fun humans is a little sad. I really thought I would be excited when I signed up Zoey for Kindergarten. I was shocked that I felt really conflicted and sad about it.
I’m entering a whole new season in my life. And I’m not ready. Maybe I’ll be more ready after spending the whole summer refereeing stupid arguments about who ate the last ice cream sandwich and who forgot to replace the toilet paper roll. Maybe. Either way, change is happening and I guess I have to get on board.
Or I could homeschool……nope. I’ll get on board.